I Didn’t Show Up On The Battlefield.

If you ask me “how have you been?”. I would like to tell you my story with the title , “ I Did Not Show Up On The Battlefield”.

In advance I need to sayI don’t mean to hurt or harm anyone. But, It is the matter of truth. That might be painful to some. I am sorry about that.

I also need to say this is not a personal issue, , but, it is a service to the program. It is the principle of honesty to our surroundings.

Back to my story.

I have been dealing with another member’s untreated “Malignant Narcissistic Personality disorder “ for over two years.

There were many issues that I had to deal with on daily bases. But, this writing is focused on one thing. That is how my fellowship has been impacted with this craziness.

In the name of the fellowship I don’t trust

Triangulation was the dominant part of the ordeal.

Consequently, as the result of the long term emotional abuse through triangulation, I have developed a sense of mistrust for friends in the fellowship.

For example, the tool of telephone has lost its meaning for me. It became the opposite of what it means to others in the fellowship.

It turned into the source of my hypervigilance.

I have to constantly determine

At what point does the fellowship cease to exist and become stalking and gang stalking?

Are they part of my “We” program?

Or are they duped like the “Flying Monkeys” in The Wizard of OZ, who have been groomed by “Wicked Witches of the West”

Let the story Begin

I like to open the conversation by talking about one of narcissists favorite pastimes. They love when people fight over them. This is a well established behavior of the people with the narcissistic personality disorder. I have found Dr. Ramni explanation the best.

Why narcissists love it when you fight over them - YouTube

To the narcissists’ disappointment, Often, there are no conflicts. That is when their expertise comes handy.

In lieu of naturally brewed conflicts , they will simply manufacture some. It usually has the following format as has been in my case

• Choose a target

• Get to the proximity of target’s community of friends

• Created intense emotionally enmeshes trauma based

• thressomes

• Create 2 distinct experience

  • Grome the friends of the target (Groomies)

  • Put the target in what I call “frying pan”

• Fuel a fight between the two experiences

How to Manufacture conflicts

First, the narcissists choose a target, preferably a vulnerable person with existing PTSD.

Then, they get to the proximity of the target ‘s friends with the intention of cultivating an intense thresome. This is also known as triangulation, The nature of the threesome is enmeshed trauma bonding.

As the time -asses by, they fuel a fight in the threesomes. These fights are based on jealousy , rivalry and all other beautiful things we bring from our upbringing to the rooms.

The Narcissists accomplish thiit s with a 2 track strategy that I characterize as “Welcoming with One hand Striking with Two ''.

With one hand they groom the community around the victim. At the same time . with two hands , they covertly and relentlessly attack the victim.

Effectively, they create two different experiences.

• People who experience grooming (Golden Child). I like to call them “groomies”.

• The victim who experiences hell on daily bases (Scapegoat)

Basically, narcissists become 5 years old in the body of old person on the social security. They try to recreate their

childhood trauma with different outcomes and with people who have nothing to do with their childhood trauma.

How to Program Groomies?

Step 1)

People with NPD engage in a behavior called narcissistic mirroring

They do this for three primary reasons:

1. They lack a stable identity and are trying on yours.

2. They are working to win you over, reflecting back what they think you want to see.

3. They are faking intimacy, because they lack the skills and desire for genuine connection.

Dr Ramni explains it:

What is "mirroring"?

Basically, they help his potential groomies to keep falling in love themself .

Subsequently, they start loving the narcissists.

Step 2)

While the narcissists pamper the groomies, slowly they program their narrative into the groomies head.

At the same time they program the groomies. That is called “Narcissistic Framing” as shown below

Step 3)

In addition they put the pressure on the groomies to engage the victim in a very codependent and enmeshed triangle

That is how the “groomies” become an active participant in the cycle of abuse.

At this point, The main function of the groomies is to put pressure on the victim. They do this by trying to convince the victim to change his real experience and see it their way. This is called Tribal Gaslighting.

Going Through The Frying Pan

Parallel to grooming friends of the victim, the narcissist with the help of the “groomies” put the victim in an experience that I characterized as a “frying pan”. That is truly living in hell on earth on a daily basis.

That has been my experience. I would like to share and describe my personal hell . Hopefully, this will shed a light on how I have spent the last two years .

The following bullet point is the list of some of the abuses. However, I have done an art project just about my experience. You may visit the link (My Emotional and Psychological Threesome with 47 People)

• Stalking through Triangulation. currently, I have 47 distinct enmeshed thresome

• Stalking through electronic means

• Public Scandal. If you don’t submit, I will make a scene. This can be referred to as Infantile Trauma Bonding

• Sending text to and from my friends on our behalf. I have documented in the Gaslighting 2.0

• Sexual Abuse. I like to charatceriez it “I want to fuck you” narrative. No violence of stalking would be successful without a sexual component.

• Paid hacking service: Hacking my cell phone and computer

• Making appointments such as doctors, emergency care etrc.

• Coded Messaging

• Daily anonymous calls and text messages

The Myth of “you are too sensitive” and the art of Exasperation”

There is no such a thing as “you are too sensitive”. It is derogatory term invented by narcissists and psychopaths to belittle empaths. It is designed to be used for emotional abuse.

The fact of the matter is that we all have “Amygdala Glands'' that regulate our sensitivity. These glands have adjusted themselves throughout our life. It is done in order to manage our harsh experiences. We all have developed triggers based on our past history.

These triggers vary for different people. it is the natural state of our being.

The Narcissist inaccurately characterizes it as “being too sensitive” or “Catastrophizing ”. Sometime, they say I was just kidding. In reality they are setting the stages for emotional abuse.

Interestingly enough and conveniently they forget to mention the word “Amygdala Hijacking”.

“Amygdala Hijacking” is when a narcissist attacks his victims' triggers and vulnerabilities. They achieve it by

applying exasperation (annoyance). It is done with a given time interval also known as “intermittent reinforcement”.

The attacks start out at a low dosage of annoyance with low frequency. Slowly the dosages increase as frequency increases. It behaves like a “Jackhammer” on the amygdala gland.

Insert Image of jack hammer

The effect is also known as “walking on the eggshell”. In reality, the victim is dealing with “fight, flight, freeze , fawn” each time the incidents occur.

On the biological level , “sympathetic nervous system” (responsible for fear and anger) as well as the hippocampus (responsible for memory and spatial relationship ) parts of the brain are affected and get damaged.

Was that your penice you were rubbing against me or was it something else?

My experience with the violence of stalking had a sexual component to It. I personally believe it is a smokescreen in order to hide his violent nature. He can hide that he is a stalker.

All the triangulation had a hoovering connotation. It is not explicitly sexual. Hoovering is another example of stalking.

His coded messages and in person encounters had more explicit sexual messages. That is

“I want to fuck you”

The stalking meant I am going to find you and then I am going to fuck you.

That has been his message throughout the last two years.

I guess he recognized that I am “too sensitive” to his sexual advances and all the other things he did.

That would make it a public shame for me to talk about it publicly.

He can alway claim I am “Catastrophizing”. Or better yet, he can make a public scandal. We could always have a public debate ,

“Was it his penise that I was feeling while the meeting was in progress or was it something else.”

Of course, he can always use my step 2 to save his face.

As I said earlier, I sense that these sexual incidents are just a smoke screen. It is the sexual component of the violence of stalking.

I also believe it is an insidious form of prejudice against the gay comunity. That is when a narcasisits use gay sexuality to hide his psychopathy.

I treat the entire ordeal as a hate crime .

The root of his hate is the fear that I know all his secrets. He is afraid I would yell

“The emperor has no close on”

I guess that is his way tring to shut me up.

For now, I will share his love/text that I have received through spear-phishing .

Insert image

The fact that I am not gay is left for the audience's interpretation. I just leave you with the concept of "cycle of abuse" in Trauma Bonding as specified by Patrick Carnes:

Insert image

Happy day of the week and a painting

As the title of the writing suggests , I didn’t show up in the battlefields. I had to find a way to deal with the craziness.

I had to minimize any conflicts that could arise from the thresome.

I did that by being cold and indifferent to my friends. That was the most painful experience that I have had to deal with.

I am very sorry to all my friends who have experienced my indifference. It was the question of survival for me as it will become clear soon.

I had to develop a strategy that I call “Happy day of the week and a painting”

All I did was to say , “Happy day of a week” like “Happy wednesday”. I also included a painting. I said absolutely nothing more.

That was based on “starving the narcissists” from his narcissistic supply .

I have described the entire strategy in the link Happy day.

Step 2 is a refuge for the Narcissist.

“‘Step 2’ is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see the truth living in better conditions.”

Adaptation from Persian Poet

Step 2 is probably the most attractive aspect of the program for the narcissists and psychopaths.

The victims are condemned before they open their mouth.

Hopefully, not for so long!

Insanity in step 2 applies only to past memory and not current trauma.

The question that should be asked is this:

Did “catastrophizing of a man” created a monster out of nothing , Or a monster resurrect a dying “catastrophizing” feature of a man.

My invitation to the groomies is to consider this :

Why characterize the ordeal as catastrophizing? Why not characterize “Amygdala Hijacking”? Why shouldn’t it be treated as a crime?

The Diagram in “Real Insanity” shows the entire picture.

One last word to the groomies Is that you are part of the cycle of abuse At least, that is how I see it. Pretending, being dumb does not relieve you of your responsibioity to be honest with yourself